jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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