you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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