Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
