i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
