if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
