i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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