WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
