In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
