Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
