so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
