I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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