yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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