Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
