haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
