I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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