is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
