Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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