I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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