Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize