I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
