i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Send help, water and tortillas.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
