she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I need a burrito and a hug.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
