if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
