I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
