Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize