he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
