I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
