ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
