I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
