so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
