shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
