I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
