there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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