Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
