Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
