Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
