You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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