you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You've changed since you got that strap on
Couch. On fire.
Randomize