They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
