Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
