so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
