Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
