Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
