That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize