I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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