At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize