i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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