i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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