Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
