i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
