I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
