That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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