I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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