My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
