i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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