Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
