I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
