'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
