my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
