god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize