Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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