If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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