We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
