How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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